Before we get to this week’s FWD, I want to highlight a couple of useful clicks to set your week up for success.
Fellow leadership coach and consultant Micah Lorenc and I recently connected, and I’ve been loving the content + resources he puts out for leaders. You already know I’m a believer in the power of great questions, and Micah’s work highlights that. Check out his free “One Conversation Transformation” Guide.
I’m kicking off a group coaching cohort in January, designed for team leaders looking to become as high-performing and effective of a leader as possible in the next few months. Grab 30 minutes if you’re interested in learning more.
Done with the updates, now on to this week’s FWD.
Every now and then a book can provide just the right perspective shift at just the right time.
I have a decently long list of books that have gifted this to me at different points in my life.
The War of Art.
Bird by Bird.
The Obstacle is the Way.
Turning Pro.
Breath.
The Four Agreements.
I’m currently reading a book that’s doing its best to make it on this list. It’s called Conscious Living and it’s written by the well-known psychologist and writer Gay Hendricks. I’m only halfway through, so I’ll reserve my final recommendation, but I want to share some gems from the book that have so far left me chewing on them for long after the page turn.
Sometimes our fear, and our self-hate, is so great that all we can do is love it. I have watched, deeply moved, as many people have discovered the power of love in therapy. I have seen people love their anger, their fear, the wrongdoings of the past, and the transgressions of others against them. I have seen love smooth out the roughest of vibrations that shake the human organism.
Part of you wants to stay in the comfort zone, the zone of the known. If this part of you were on a car, it would be called the governor. A governor is a gadget that automatically keeps you from going too fast. When you get to its predetermined limit, it does something to your engine that slows it down. Most of us come equipped with the psychological version of such a gadget. The Governor wants to keep you safe, because you have survived in your limited box, if not thrived there. The Governor is not convinced you can live in the rarefied air of the new space you have created. It may even conspire to sabotage your project so you will not have to develop the skills necessary to operate at a higher level.
Many people, when given the opportunity to be happy and vibrant, settle instead for being right.
When you’re not feeling good, don’t look back into the past to find the reason. Don’t look to what you ate or what you dreamed last night. Look right where you are, at any place where you’re out of integrity. In order to love yourself unconditionally, you need to be operating with integrity. Integrity always comes down to four specific actions:
1/ Welcoming all of your feelings, not hiding or denying anything you’re feeling.
2/ Telling the truth.
3/ Keeping the agreements you have made (or consciously changing them with the other person).
4/ Taking 100 percent responsibility for any problem, activity, or life event in which you’re involved. Less than 100 percent responsibility means you’re operating as a victim. More than 100 percent means you’re operating as a martyr.
If you and I are not doing these simple things, we don’t feel good.
Nothing real ever needs to be defended, but I’ve seen many people expend enormous, life-costing energy defending it anyway.
✌️ and ❤️,
Adam Griffin
Certified High Performance Coach™
👉 Forward Coaching