Kids connect dots.
On breaking an unconscious pattern.
Last night Jordy came up to me crying. He was hurt.
My 3 year old had jumped on his back, tweaking it. Screams and tears followed.
The irony in the situation was that I have to tell Jordy multiple times per week not to jump on his older sister’s back for this exact reason. Karma and whatnot.
My unconscious reaction was to remind him that his brother learned that from watching him do it to his sister.
But this time…I caught myself.
I knew how that conversation would go, because we’ve had it so many times in the past.
Jordy is hurt and crying. I try to turn it into a lesson. Jordy cries even louder, mad at me for making him feel bad when he’s already hurt.
And he would be right. Why kick him when he’s down? And do I really think the message will get through in that situation?
Jordy had already connected the dots. He didn’t need my reminder. He needed a hug.
So I stopped myself before I said anything. Instead I just hugged him and asked if he was okay.
He was.
And the situation was turned around in 2 minutes, with the dots connected in the background.
Breaking an unconscious pattern starts with the awareness of it and being honest with yourself that it’s there.
Once you’re aware of it, the task is simply to recognize it earlier and earlier in its lifecycle.
When you first try to break a pattern, you might just catch yourself doing it more often. That can be frustrating, but its simply you bringing awareness to a pattern that is used to being unconscious.
But then you start to catch yourself in the middle of doing it. The awareness moved up in the lifecycle a bit.
And then you start to catch yourself before you do it. That’s when you can truly start to break it. Because it moves into the realm of choice.
By bringing awareness to the space between thought and action, you now have a choice to make. Do the thing or don’t do the thing. The more you choose not to, the more you break the pattern.
Unconscious patterns run much of our lives. They shape who we are and how we show up in the world.
But just because they’re unconscious doesn’t mean they have to be permanent.
They’re malleable.
Breakable.
If you find value in the things I publish here, it’d mean the world if you’d share it with someone else. It’s the only way this space and community continues to grow.
✌️ and ❤️,
Adam Griffin
Good reminder. Today, my oldest whipped the dog ball out of the Chuckit right into the back of my youngest's head. I did not wait for the dots to connect. Should have read this sooner.